Ever since I have stepped into motherhood, my love life (married life) has taken a toll. It started with sleeping in separate beds, then staying away and now with Thea's bed in between us, comfortably shielding any sort of intimacy left between us. And if this was not it, I have turned into this super paranoid, nagging mom/wife. The thought of Thea's well being is always on the top of my mind so much that I often don't mind my words before shooting them out. And the victim of this outburst is almost always my poor hubby!
But it's not only me. The burden of managing professional life and a demanding daughter is riding high on his mind too. The result: we both have forgotten those sweet nothings that make every relationship special. I was getting a little uncomfortable with this distance but had other worries clouding my head so never really paid much heed to it until the night of 31st March. Ratish had an important presentation with his Director and Thea was acting all cranky and weird. Honestly, I was tired of handling her all day and wanted someone to take her from me. And that someone was obviously Ratish. I didn't want to think that he was preparing for something big and pushed Thea onto him and went outside the room. I went back after spending almost 30minutes on the Web and saw Ratish struggling with Thea and his laptop. AND I didn't feel guilty. I instantly realized that something was not right. Till date, I had never underestimated R's professional commitments, infact they always dominated my mind. But this time was different. After he ended his presentation, I made him run to make her feed, which he did but spilled some of the formula milk. It irritated me to the core and I shouted at him. While sleeping, he demanded to prepare Thea's bed but I was not satisfied by the way he did it. And much to his disappointment, I showed him my displeasure. Then when she woke up for her feed in the middle of the night, due to the lack of balance of her bed, she rolled on one side and I again taunted Ratish for doing a lousy job. This time he didn't answer back, just smiled, adjusted the bed and went back to sleep. It was a moment that shook me! What was I doing! What was I making of our relation! Where had all the concern gone! Why was I being so insensitive!
Don't know what exactly was going on in his head but it definitely was not a pleasant thought for me. So the very next day I decided to stay at my mom's place for few days-- expecting that the distance will do some good. And I guess it worked a bit. For the first time in the last two months, I sent him an 'I love you' message today. He replied with a 'I love you too motu' instead of 'hows Pocket doing' or a smiley.. :))
But it's not only me. The burden of managing professional life and a demanding daughter is riding high on his mind too. The result: we both have forgotten those sweet nothings that make every relationship special. I was getting a little uncomfortable with this distance but had other worries clouding my head so never really paid much heed to it until the night of 31st March. Ratish had an important presentation with his Director and Thea was acting all cranky and weird. Honestly, I was tired of handling her all day and wanted someone to take her from me. And that someone was obviously Ratish. I didn't want to think that he was preparing for something big and pushed Thea onto him and went outside the room. I went back after spending almost 30minutes on the Web and saw Ratish struggling with Thea and his laptop. AND I didn't feel guilty. I instantly realized that something was not right. Till date, I had never underestimated R's professional commitments, infact they always dominated my mind. But this time was different. After he ended his presentation, I made him run to make her feed, which he did but spilled some of the formula milk. It irritated me to the core and I shouted at him. While sleeping, he demanded to prepare Thea's bed but I was not satisfied by the way he did it. And much to his disappointment, I showed him my displeasure. Then when she woke up for her feed in the middle of the night, due to the lack of balance of her bed, she rolled on one side and I again taunted Ratish for doing a lousy job. This time he didn't answer back, just smiled, adjusted the bed and went back to sleep. It was a moment that shook me! What was I doing! What was I making of our relation! Where had all the concern gone! Why was I being so insensitive!
Don't know what exactly was going on in his head but it definitely was not a pleasant thought for me. So the very next day I decided to stay at my mom's place for few days-- expecting that the distance will do some good. And I guess it worked a bit. For the first time in the last two months, I sent him an 'I love you' message today. He replied with a 'I love you too motu' instead of 'hows Pocket doing' or a smiley.. :))
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