You won't know why today I suddenly dropped everything that keeps me busy these days and sat down with you. I wanted to hug you, cuddle you just like old days, when nothing separated us! The tears in my eyes were of guilt... guilt of not keeping my promise of 'never' making you less important in my life, come what may. Noddy, I miss you.. I miss the way we were when li'l Thea wasn't born. When I never had to be careful of touching you or of letting you come too close.. Infact, back then if you didnt come too close, it used to bother me like hell...
You know when I was leaving for the hospital on 6th February, my heart was clouded by not just anxiety of child birth but somewhere it was worried about you. Everyone left to see us off for the hospital but I stayed to say goodbye (to you!). I had tears rolling down my eyes, because I wasn't sure how things would be when I'd return. I wasn't sure if things would be the same.. I was missing you so much that night.. I sooo missed you on innumerable occasions after Thea's birth.. and I do realise that I am not giving you your due.. but these realizations are momentary and then am back to what I do -- this makes me a bad mother.. Today I cleaned my room and despite knowing that you vomitted I didn't allow you to enter the room. I saw your hopeful eyes, yet they failed to melt me. I saw you turning around and moving away, yet I didn't call out for you! Gosh! Did I realize that you might want to be comforted.. The comfort that you never had to ask for before because it was always 'showered' before you'd ask... Then why suddenly have I forgotten our past and travelled so far in my present, leaving you behind... FORGIVE ME NODDY! I really really love you! :-*
You know when I was leaving for the hospital on 6th February, my heart was clouded by not just anxiety of child birth but somewhere it was worried about you. Everyone left to see us off for the hospital but I stayed to say goodbye (to you!). I had tears rolling down my eyes, because I wasn't sure how things would be when I'd return. I wasn't sure if things would be the same.. I was missing you so much that night.. I sooo missed you on innumerable occasions after Thea's birth.. and I do realise that I am not giving you your due.. but these realizations are momentary and then am back to what I do -- this makes me a bad mother.. Today I cleaned my room and despite knowing that you vomitted I didn't allow you to enter the room. I saw your hopeful eyes, yet they failed to melt me. I saw you turning around and moving away, yet I didn't call out for you! Gosh! Did I realize that you might want to be comforted.. The comfort that you never had to ask for before because it was always 'showered' before you'd ask... Then why suddenly have I forgotten our past and travelled so far in my present, leaving you behind... FORGIVE ME NODDY! I really really love you! :-*
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