I remember how mumma used to tell me and my sister that those who indulge in 'FUN' during their early years have a 'SAD' afterlife, and those who do the right thing (basically battle it out for good marks, good image, help in housechores..) have a calm, blessed later years. I remember how I'd laugh off her logic back then thinking that it's her new antic to make me lead a boring life. (A boring life would entail not having great guy friends, coming back home before sunset, helping mom with daily house chores)
I pretty much sucked at leading this kind of boring life, while my sister mastered the art. But years later, I now understand what she meant. I had a sort of colourful but dedicated life, in terms of friends, fun (umm umm affairs). I knowingly as well as unknowingly kept the guy in my life on toes always. Leaving lose ends to discussions, not responding to tiffs, meeting at a time that suits me best.. In short, I used to be a selfish mate back then. At the same time, I used to find it amusing why it was so difficult for those guys to trust me. But honestly, I enjoyed keeping them hooked up all the time. But as they say, what goes around, comes around, I am facing the backlash now!
I always wished to have a peaceful married life. A life that has no place for doubts or any fling. Hence, I wasn't surprised when after marriage, my inclination towards the opposite sex (or their attention) went down to a great extent. This I believe is the start of a faithful and stable relationship. But my PAST is not ready to let go... in ways I am about to reveal.
I never understood before why staying in touching with an ex was such a big issue, especially when I SAY that am over him. BUT now when my husband stays in touch with his ex, I just can't tolerate it. Infact, it pisses me off to the core... And often leads to disturbing emotional outbursts..
My way of handling such mindless allegations in the past used to be by turning COLD.. coz the egoist me thought that when I am not wrong, then why fret! Sadly so, my husband has the same attitude towards me when I bring up such topics :( I can now understand how the guys in my past would just expect some soothing words from me but to put an end to their misery...
Another striking observation is how I would be secretive about my emails or chat list previously. Honestly, there was nothing serious to it, just that I was wary of some unexpected pop ups and didn't want uneasy situations. And today, when I voluntarily made my husband have my email ID configured on his blackberry, I feel like a total loser. Today I have no such premonitions, no fear of lost love popping up from nowhere... but when I expect the same liberty from him, he shies away...
Anyways, most answers to my insecurities lie in this post itself, but DIL HAI KI MAANTA NAHI! And guys a word of caution, be nice to your mate... coz it all comes back to you, maybe in ways worse than you'd imagined!
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